Save Some For Your Self
This is actually a response to Harrison Butker’s recent commencement speech to college graduates. Unlike Mr. Butker’s parents my mother was a housewife and I believe myself to know a little bit more about housewives than he does.
It happened on the 15th floor in you and your husband’s apartment in September of the year 1990 here in New York City. Per usual your husband who is my father, held his weekly “Egyptian Bro’s” get together. It consisted of 15 to 20 men whom you were faithful to feed, serve and nurture by yourself every Saturday for a few hours through the night and early morning hours.
My father came to you in the kitchen to gripe about the color of your skin. He sighed and said “I am the only one married to a Black woman. I am the only one!” He then headed to the bathroom and when he came back he was shocked to see some of your friends waltzing you across the living room floor. They were vying for your time and affection. You were the most desired woman on the dance floor. You often were!
One of my dad’s best friends, Anwar finally said what the general consensus of what the room was. Anwar said “Your wife is so beautiful! I don’t know where you found her! You are so lucky.”
Remember mom in the 70’s when you used to head to downtown NYC in shiny jumpsuits and stilettos? You used to stand in lines at the club; celebrities would point at you and bring you in for free? Did you forget how pretty you were?
The picture I posted of you was taken by your mother in October of 1987. You had just given birth to 3 kids back-to-back. Your Cuban born passport listed you as “pardos”, which in Cuba means you are mixed with three races: European, Asian and African. You were a blend of Nigerian, Spaniard, and Chinese.
You gave your all to your children and your husband. Mama you stayed home, cooked and cleaned. You took your children to school and picked them up from school. You were a mother and wife to one family.
In the end your husband divorced you at the request of one of his side chicks but he continued to pay your rent. Two of your children disdained you because you were a housewife. They had no love and no time for you. One of your kids ditched you when you were extremely sick. She packed up her luggage and left.
The way your husband treated you extended to some of your kids. Since your husband mistreated you some of your children followed lead. Did you ever imagine what would happen to you? You told us kids to stick together. You said “Please we are a very small family. All I want is for you three to stick together.”
And better yet those two kids are closer kin to you than you ever realized. It was not okay when you were a housewife. Right? One of your daughters often kicked and punched you and felt that you were pliable enough to spit on because you brought no bread or mullah to the table. Ten years ago, she left her job and became a housewife with no kids and to this day she feels she is a much better person than you were but she is not. I don’t see her in a rush to have kids to show you how it is really done. She lacks much.
One of your other children also wanted more from you… Like material things. You certainly were not a money maker. You did not have his favor. Like his father he followed suit and never liked you nor respected you. His best friend is a housewife as well. The bestie is not like you though. At least not in the traditional sense. She has children with different men. Her oldest child, she was not always a mother too. I am very glad I can’t say the same about you mom and yes I am the oldest! Her husband helps her with absolutely everything unlike your husband.
Mom thank you for never taking your eyes off your kids. Thank you for not leaving us with other people. Thank you for not bringing in another man to come and raise me. I would definitely not have taken that lightly.
Your husband was both an absentee husband and father. You took your children on little adventures around the city without him. You fed us with daddy’s money! I personally don’t think being a housewife is wrong. After all my sister became one and my brother’s best friend is one! Who are they to object?
As far as your ex-husband. It turns out he likes skinny women with a whole lot less beauty than what you possessed. He is kind to his new wife, who was with him when you were married to him. She does not do any of the things you used to do. She does not cook, clean, do laundry or give birth to babies. She gets car rides you never got and thank you’s when she sets mittens on fire on the stove.
Mama I guess what I am trying to say if you can possibly hear me from underneath the grave is save some for yourself. I know I will!
